Saturday, March 2, 2013

Blogging as Therapy *aka* over coming moisture.


adjective, moist·er, moist·est.

moderately or slightly wet; damp.

accompanied by or connected with liquid or moisture.

(of the air) having high humidity.
1325–75; Middle English moiste  < Middle French;  connected with Latin mūcidus mucid

moist·ful, adjective
moist·less, adjective
moist·ly, adverb
moist·ness, noun
o·ver·moist, adjective

damp, dampen, moist (see synonym study at damp).

1. dank. See damp
Hi my name is Jesse and I have a problem. My problem is with the "bad word" as I have called it for years others use it as "moist" (I'm copying the word every time I have to use it, seems some what easier for me to deal with this way) I know it seems ridiculous to have such a distaste for a word and one that is used so popularly but you guy's have to keep in mind who you're talking to here or should I say reading about? Fuck now I'm confused. You see my friends I am a bit different. 
Just generally not because of a disorder or anything unless "Weirdness" counts as a disorder I like to think of it as a gene that allows me to be super awesome plus far more open minded and open hearted than others. I grew up in the country with limited supervision to put it nicely (my parents were busy with nose candy so I raised myself and took care of them) I have  a cousin named Temp that I was/am very close with but she lived over 5 hrs away so we didn't see each other too often, I was an only child pretty much alone so I used books, music and the woods to learn life with a few cool aunts and grandmas to step in every now and then. Then at the ripe ol' age of 15 I decided I was grown enough to do shit on my own. I had my first daughter at 16 (let this be a lesson to you teens! you might think you have the world figured out but you ain't seen SHIT yet) but this story isn't about any of that I'm simply sharing where I think some of my oddities come from. I see the world differently ya know? I embrace the strange things about myself instead of rejecting them because they might not fit in with what society would accept. 

Another one is both of my hands must be the equal amount of  wet. Say I wash my right hand off but don't necessarily "need" to wash the other one. YEA RIGHT. I need to feel the water on both hands in the same spots. Drying isn't as big of an issue as long as both hands are equally as dry. I use ALOT of hand lotion. Through my early parenting years I tried to unconciously get my daughter to do this as well. She was all cool with the ridiculous amount of times a day I requested she was her hands but she drew a line when she got jelly on her right finger, she only washed that finger. Can You Imagine?. The horror. oh the horror. So I said "Hey crazy pants get both hands please" Her reply "That's not necessary my other hand is clean and besides my teacher says were supposed to conserve water"..... BURN. Use your smarts against me. I was actually very proud of her because she's right there is no reason for this behavior but It's something I have always done and honestly I don't know how to stop it. 
I have changed so much that I fear if I let go of these brief little oddities then what will be left? Will there be any Jess left? or will it all be the new Jess, whom I love by the way she remember's things better and laughs more but the only thing left from my childhood are these corks to my personality, the house I grew up in. GONE. the dog whom protected me when no one else was around and loved me when it seemed no one did. Gone. The people as a child I turned to, the aunts not gone but no longer the same.. drugs have won those battles. My grandmas well in one's mind I'm my mother, thanks alzhiemers. The other lives a long way's away but when I can swing a visit though it may be very short she always comforts me though she may not know it, I should change that. I love that I'm 24 yrs old and as I sit here writing this I am listening to Billy Joel "Vienna" I don't want to let go of ALL of me. There are things about myself that therapists and multiple rehab facilities have tried to change I disagreed with them then and I still do. I was able to stop using but still hold on to MYSELF, to my core, to the things they tried to erase. 

With all of that being said I'm gonna go ahead tell you guy's the story of why I cringe so bad it would appear I'm seizing up when I hear this word more especially if the bad word is used in a descriptive form. 
(this blog for therapy thing is really working out for me you guy's)
Here I am 13 years old (could have been 14 I must have smoked some of this memory) I moved away from home and in with my Aunt Hair to a small town right outside of Houston. It was quite a shock for a small town country girl to be that close to the hussle and bussle of the big city I had spent some time in the city before with my grandma but I was sheltered by her of course as a young child. Shortly after moving my mother and father decided if I wouldn't move back with them, they would move where I was. The only place they could afford were government rented apartments 20 minutes outside of the city. YAY. After MUCH protest I agreed to move in with them out of loyalty they had moved with a mattress and a tv. That was it. So I brought a blanket, pillow and cd player to bunk down with them I just couldn't imagine them in the apartment by themselves it takes a village after all right? Well the next day after moving in we got some furniture donated to us so me and a girl I had be-friended (one of the only good things about this time of my life was that being so close to people helped me over come the social anxiety I had experienced) were outside helping move things in. 
I walked out of the apartment and noticed a woman sitting on the stairs that lead to the apartments above us actually her smell met me before she did. Have you ever been in kroger during a storm when they have lost electricity for awhile and it's a hot Houston summer day, Walking past there fish market on this day directly behind a overweight indian guy chowing down on curry with a serious need for some Gas x - is pretty much the only smell that would come close to how badly this woman stunk. 
after searching the internet this is the closest pic I can find for how she appeared except add a see through laced pink skirt to this outfit and auburn hair. While attempting to suck oxygen past the odor before I passed out she realized I was there and called out "HEY there new neighbor!" She had a virginia slim in one hand and the other slowly touching herself ALL OVER. I could tell by her voice she must have started sharing cigarettes with her mother shortly after delivery. She also sounded as if she were gurgling water all of the time and it looked like she had cotton balls stuffed in her lips ( I remember thinking maybe she was trying to clean her teeth but didn't know how I felt compelled to give her my toothbrush) I quietly while trying to be as polite as possible said "hi..." and attempted to rush past her back to the truck where I was supposed to be helping but she continued to talk "Yall need some help my sorry good for nothin' husband is upstairs he ain't busy doin' shiiiiit" at this point I'm panicking because she is touching herself while talking to me. Slowly rubbing her titi's and making these awful noises that one could only assume was her liver attempting to flee. I quickly spoke up " No. No. thank you anyways but we have it under control" then my friend  DJ walks up next to me we are the only one's home my parents had to go to town and they had just told her to go hang out with me until they got back. They had no idea of the situation they were leaving us in. As DJ walked up I could see the smell hitting her as at first she curiously sniffed the air then quickly regreted it and as a flight response (because this was lethal enough to be toxic fumes) she started snorted violently trying to get the smell out of the worlds dankest vaginer out of her nostrils which made me laugh, which made the smell go right into my mouth.
Exactly Britney. Exactly.
So at this point we are both acting like fools making crazy facial expressions and pulling our shirts over our noses. You would think this behavior would have made her aware of her odor. BUT NO. No it did not. She opened her mouth yet again and what came out has haunted me in such a way that only the truly damaged will understand: Skank bitch laughing while talking "Hey you guys are funny! Man I'm so horny" (keep in mind she is still rubbing herself) "My ol' man ain't good fer Nothin' I tried all morning to get him to put his dick in my hot moist throbbing pussy! that fucking asshole he don't take care of me that's alright I can touch my own sweet hole" (all of this said while she basically masturbated in front her teenage next door neighbors that she had never met before). As she was saying this I was gagging. Not like a little "Oh no I feel woozy" But "OH FUCK VOMIT IS GOING TO COME OUT OF MY NOSE" type of way. DJ was backing up with a HORRIFIED look on her face, there was nothing funny about our situation any longer it went from "man thanks for the curtsey sniff dumbass" to us looking at eachother like these might have been our final moments alive and we wanted to communicate to one another how sorry we were that this is how our short lives were going to end. I don't remember much after this part of the story, I know we both ended up at DJ's apartment (we just left my apartment door opened and booked it for safety) we slammed the door and both different sinks, she went to the bathroom to shower and I basically had a bird bath in her kitchen sink. I scrubbed everything I could manage with dish soap, my nose first and fore most, eyes, mouth, ears (but only lightly because another one of my ticks is I don't like anything or anyone touching my ears) hands, feet and knees. Then I leaned back on the wall and sunk into a heap on the ground holding myself, rocking back and forth, grinding my teeth all while trying desperatly to get the smell and her words out of my head. They were on repeat. Over and Over. Moist. Throbbing. Moist. Throbbing. The smell. Moist. DJ found me after making a quick recovery herself she walked in the kitchen laughing "DUDE!! dear god that was by far the skankiest nastiest woman I have ever encountered what are we gonna do next time we see her we just RAN AWAY? and left your door open by the way" I was still in shock though I didn't give a flying fuck about what would happen when I saw her again because at this point I had let my "Freaky Deeky Back Off I have Issues) persona come out. After my parents got home and discovered we weren't there they came down that's when we told them the story, For a brief second I thought that maybe they might just get offended and go tell this woman to stay the fuck away from there teen daughter with such nastiness. They laughed. They laughed from a good hearty place way down, my dad had tears rolling down his face probably from my epic fail of saying the word moist. My tick started right away as soon as I heard her say that word it was burned into my brain as a negative experience and when I was force to say it I would get a deeeeeeep cringe that began at my toes and would have me bent over shaking my head trying to fling it from my brain.
The image on the right is pretty much what happens when I hear the word I gave up on saying it starting that day, I also had some problems with the word throbbing but have seem to of gotten over that word I guess because I don't have hear as often.
(This from the whole pretty girls doing ugly faces craze (I love it) I don't know who this chick is but I hope she's cool with me using her image. )

I have learned through out my life way's to avoid randomly making the insane face and body movements when I see the word. I avoid the cake isle's every where I go if I am forced down them I stare the ground until through. I avoid the weather on certain channels because I have noticed which weathermen use the bad word heavily. My friends and family however have always found my tick HILARIOUS.
What makes it worst is if the word is used in a descriptive method that I can "relate" to as in: when I had my stomach surgery the after care instructions said to make sure the site didn't get... moist. (this one has me cringing right now) or if my hands are wet and someone says it.. don't really know why this one gets me but it does. The worst is the hot days during summer when I'm working on something outside, My ladies you feel me here! that unfresh feeling is worst times 5,000 when you hate the word associated with it. 

These should be awesome but I can't have them so I keep baby whipes instead.
See what I mean here people? Can you see how the trauma just continues? My friends send me pic all the time of places in life where they think they have found the Worst Moist Context ever. You guy's can go like my fb page Hey Freddie

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and if you run across a horrificly placed "M-Bomb" share it with me to help me get over this ridiculous tick! Maybe yours will be the worst context of the word EVER. Well in my book anyways. Thanks for joining me for this instillation of using blogger as a therapist.


  1. Bahahaha! Moist is now more gross than it already was to me.

  2. Seems many people have a problem with this word. Every time I've heard it used, other than on cake mixes and crap, people around seem to cringe. Always. It's not a pleasant word, even I cringe when I hear it read say, off a cake mix box.

    I think I've heard it mostly used as a vulgar term like in your old lady "That makes me moist" picture. Ugh. It should be considered a rated R word. Makes people feel weird hearing AND saying it. It just just be removed as a word all-together.

    I loved this post, btw. :)

  3. Thanks for the feed back guys, glad I'm not the only weirdo out there who feels this way towards this nastiness!